Walking in the park, man and dog come upon a little bridge. Suddenly, swift-moving cyclist squeezes through gap next to railing. Both men are spooked, tempers flare, accusations fly. Wow, where did that come from? Man recovers and hails cyclist to come back to talk. Tone quickly turns conciliatory and both shake hands.
Dog pees on post. Trees and creek continue to be trees and creek.
Two hours later, still this weird vibration in my chest and belly, a blend of anger and shame. Anger, because it really was his fault and why did I apologize first? Shame, because I lost my temper, used hurtful speech, and failed to act like a saint.
The Buddha taught that “when touched with a feeling of pain, the uninstructed run-of-the-mill person sorrows, grieves, laments, and becomes distraught.” As a result, he said, we end up with two pains: one from the arrow of a random event and another from self-inflicted suffering.
Prescription:
1. View the first arrow for what it was, an instinctual reaction to a perceived threat.
2. Resist adding a second arrow. Instead, accept anger as a natural fight-response. In spite of best intentions, you sometimes lose your temper. Note how quickly you recovered and helped to restore harmony.
3. Right now and whenever you get scared — pause. Bring awareness to your breath, sense the flow of air on the in-breath and on the out-breath. Do it again and again.
4. Then act, or don’t act — you have a choice.
Thank you Peter. I can certainly relate to the whole story. Appreciate the reminder of how we relive these events over (and over) sometimes, as if the first time wasn’t enough! (lol)
Two Days Without Worry:
There are two days in every week about which we should not worry, two days which should be kept free from fear and apprehension.
One of these days is Yesterday with all its mistakes and cares, its faults and blunders, its aches and pains.
Yesterday has passed forever beyond our control. We cannot undo a single act we performed or a single word we said. Yesterday is gone forever.
The other day we should not worry about is Tomorrow with all its possible adversities, its burdens, its large promise and its poor performance;
Tomorrow is also beyond our immediate control. Tomorrow’s sun will rise, either in splendor or behind a mask of clouds, but it will rise.
This leaves only one day, Today.
So let us, therefore, live but one day at a time.
-Unknown
How perfect is this teaching! Thank you. Bow. And another bow. And then the breath. And I have a question. If the scenario is substantially different, war, abuse, do the arrows look the same? With peace and love.
thank you, Nigel. without flippancy, arrows are arrows. some can take a life-time to be recognized as such. My current investigation of people who grew up in Germany during and immediately after WWII reveals significant instances of PTSD in the elderly. Due to lifelong shame and guilt, 2nd arrows are still causing suffering after 60 years.