As long I can remember, my life’s been driven by wishful thinking: one day I’ll be truly loved, seen as intelligent, elegant and handsome, able to speak French and Italian, dance like Fred Astaire, get along with my brothers, and set free from fear and sorrow.
In a song, Leonard Cohen writes: “I asked my father,/ I said, Father change my name. / The one I’m using now it’s covered up / with fear and filth and cowardice and shame” and “Then let me start again, I cried, / please let me start again, / I want a face that’s fair this time, / I want a spirit that is calm.”
Consider the Buddha’s teachings, passed from teacher to student over 2600 years. Having searched for truth for several years, he sat down under a tree, vowing to get to the root cause of human misery. After days of intense meditation, he told his sceptical followers, “I teach one thing and one thing only: suffering and the end of suffering.”
Sometimes words get in the way of understanding: suffering is such a word. Too heavy, too big, too remote. I’m not actually suffering, you might say, most days I’m doing all right: the typical ups and downs, the occasional crisis, disappointments and heartaches, illness and pain, and, yes, loss and grief.
At its root, ‘suffering’ contains our deep longing for things to be other than what they are.
Ok, I get it! Suffering is integral to the human experience. It’s part of everyone’s lived experience, an inevitable aspect of being — not something to push away or cover up. There’s nothing wrong with me, to suffer is normal! “Embrace your brokenness” my Zen teacher suggested during last week’s retreat. “Hold it close to your heart, the way you’d hold a vulnerable child. You and he are one, not separate.
Just beautiful.
The definition of “suffering”: the longing that things be different than what they are, really resonated with me.
I like that one Peter, too bad there isn’t a crash course in how to hold suffering close to your heart. When it crys and throws a tantrum its tough not to want to put it down and get some space between each other.
Paul
Just perfect. LIke Maureen, I ‘get’ that definition of suffering … the reverse of which that was given to me this week … needing to find ‘acceptance’ of what is. But this definition helps me take victimhood out of suffering and empowers me to shift how I view my reality / question my thoughts or longings. Being given the flip sides of the coin within two days in a way that shines light where I needed light … a gift. Thank you!
If one hasn’t known suffering how can one feel what it is to be truly happy.
Just my thoughts Peter, Greetings to you my friend.
Monica 🙂
It s so helpful to view suffering as integral to our lives, not to try to ride above it (I have tried). Also, I notice, that I can, if I try, look at those things I feel are really a “permanent” part of me – that is, the worst anguish that probably resonates from childhood , and shift my viewpoint by holding that pain close to my heart. It is better than expecting somebody or something to cure it or take it away somehow.