Mindfulness meditation can serve as an antidote to stress. Research documents positive effects on pain, sleep disorder, anxiety, attention, and quality of life (source 1).
Stress is defined as “an organism’s total response to environmental demands or pressures.” There’s disagreement on whether stress is primarily a response to threats from the outside or the inside (source 2).
More and more, I feel stressed in such innocent situations as making introductions and small talk, answering the phone and opening letters — even the prospect of teaching meditation fills me with dread sometimes.
What’s going on? Don’t I have what it takes to be happy?
Let’s see. Food and shelter: ✔ Reserves to pay for elder care: ✔ Friends who love me and I them: ✔ Sweet dog for company: ✔ Unhurried life style: ✔ Spiritual practice: ✔ Meaningful volunteer work: ✔ Mental curiosity (although fading): ✔ Good health (“considering your age”): ✔ Living in one of Canada’s most livable cities for retirees: ✔. . .
And still this agonizing unrest.
I had a look at the psychological literature and found that “social anxiety disorder,” a condition characterized by intense distress in anticipation of, during, and after social situations in which an individual may be scrutinized or devalued in the eyes of others (source 3).
Aha! Upon reflection, some clarity emerges: for 40 years I’ve worked as a teacher of some kind, putting myself out there again and again. During much of that time I felt an imposter, living in fear of being exposed as incompetent. The resulting stress has accumulated unattended. In the evening of life, I will put an end to this suffering.
Ring any bells for you?
1. www.thisonebreath@wordpress.com 2. http://medical-dictionary.thefreedictionary.com/Stress 3. Farmer, A. S., & Kashdan, T. B. (2015). Stress sensitivity and stress generation in social anxiety disorder: A temporal process approach. Journal of abnormal psychology, 124(1), 102.
I have been cleaning out my garage and have rediscovered my dislike/fear of spiders. Ideally I would capture and put each one out, but I can’t bring myself to do that. Or I could spray the place with insecticide and shorten my life and that of the earth too. Or I could leave them to take over and just stop going there. Or I can find some balance.
I really enjoy the writings of Pema Chodron and I believe she would advocate “leaning in” with awareness, breath and compassion. It is so true in so many aspects of life, regardless of how much of our life feels blessed. I keep being reminded: don’t give up, find a balance that respects the eternal struggles of life, right up until the last day we draw breath.
Enjoy your day.
That certainly does ring a bell here. Its sad when we take stock of how we live in paradise surrounded by people who love us and not having to fear for our lives, food, shelter etc but we can still feel sad or lost. I’m just glad we live in a time when we can at least get some treatment and seek help. I can’t imagine how it must have been in the days prior to treatment. Always something to be thankful for. 🙂
Jordan Peterson for Ted Talks sums it up so well:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WOgSqHtTtHY
Hell ya!!!!…… are the words that come to mind!!
Relieved I am not the only one. In fact, I have some friends and a family member that do the same thing. I especially dislike answering the phone with numbers that are not displayed and letters that I do not recognize. Certain social situations cause me to feel angst too even though I generally feel happy day to day.
Remaining curious…
You’re on to something important, Peter. According to the Buddha’s Noble Truths, life is suffering, desires cause suffering, and reducing desires can relieve suffering. Mark Epstein, a long-time Buddhist practitioner and psychotherapist, writes that “In resisting trauma and defending ourselves from feeling its full impact, we deprive ourselves of its truth.” ~(2013) The trauma of everyday life.
Upon reading Daishin’s words, and thinking about your comments , Peter, I remember that the words :There is suffering” is what brought me to look further into Buddhism, because, at that time in my life I was acutely aware of the suffering side of life. Also, all my life I’ve experienced that social anxiety of which you speak. I suppose that since we are not putting up barriers we are at least receiving truth. I am reminded now to see that, and not to keep thinking that everything will go a certain way. I mean, I set myself up for disappointment by clinging to a certain idea of how things should be. I think the difficulty for me is not getting too sad (and then clinging to that).
Thanks Peter for this reflection. I too have spent over four decades in a profession which where it was necessary to be ‘out-there’ in a public manner. And after the decades I became quite good at it. But in these recent post-professional years, what I realize is that I really only became good at distancing myself from these feelings of incompetence, inadequacy, vulnerability and utter fear. Despite my lack of awareness, the feelings were always there, masquerading as a whole host of other’ issues,’ which constantly drained me emotionally, physically and soulfully.
Today they have become conscious companions living within my daily awareness with names, bodily sensations and personalities of their own. I don’t like the term social anxiety disorder as it is diagnostic in nature. After decades of wondering ‘what’s wrong with me?’ I have finally turned toward these inner companions to embrace them as part of my nature. They are traits whose presence in my soul came from many sources. To deny them, to push them away, to negatively label or ‘cure’ them is just another way of disowning a part of my unique true nature. The more I ‘turn to embrace and love it all’ the happier and more whole my life becomes.
To all of you who have responded: i appreciate your candor and admire your perseverance in seeking new ways of being in light of old patterns. Not easy, but possible! Start with now and “Welcome everything, push away nothing,” as the ancients advise. It continues to be an ongoing practice for me: returning to what’s arsing in my heart-mind from moment by moment … instead of sinking into catastrophic expectations (of what might happen) or getting lost in fabrications (of what should happen0.
“Begin at the beginning,” the King said, very gravely, “and go on till you come to the end: then stop” (Alice in Wonderland). In short, this practice of awakening is a life-long undertaking. Have courage.