The matter of Great Doubt

A conversation in a novel* catches me off-guard:

“There are times when I have doubts.”
“About what you do?”
“No, perhaps I am expressing myself poorly. I don’t doubt what I have done here. I know it is right. I doubt only what I have missed in doing it.”

oh-no-babyDoubt, from Latin, “to question, hesitate, waver in opinion;” for me a life-long condition, living under the sword of Damocles suspended overhead by a single hair of a horse’s tail. Always in fear of something: being abandoned (as a child), alone (in a foreign land), incompetent (as a professional), being inadequate (in relationships), becoming frail (in old age), not knowing what truly matters (spiritual training notwithstanding).

In Zen Buddhism doubt is called Great Doubt and the Great Matter. It speaks to the realization that there’s nothing anyone can give us, neither achievement, wealth, nor status. There is nothing anyone can teach us, no book, no teacher. There’s nothing that we lack: each one of us is perfect and complete, just as we are.

“What is this Doubt?” asks Chinese Zen master Boshan (1575-1630). “For example, when you are born, where do you come from? You cannot help but remain in doubt about this. When you die, where do you go? Again, you cannot help but remain in doubt. Since you cannot pierce this barrier of life-and-death, suddenly the Doubt will coalesce right before your eyes. Try to put it down, you cannot; try to push it away, you cannot. Eventually this Doubt Block will be broken through and you’ll realize what a worthless notion is life-and-death – ha!” (source)

What lies hidden beyond my “small” doubts? How will the great matter be revealed? How does one break through this Block of Doubt? Is there a gate, a sign post, a trail of crumbs? From what I know, it’ll mean digging deeper than shop-worn notions of what constitutes a “good life.” So — what does it take for us to be free?

Your thoughts? 

*paraphrased from Daniel Martin (2002). The Piano Tuner. Picador, p. 289. image credit.

2018-09-17T18:06:10-07:00April 8th, 2015|5 Comments

5 Comments

  1. Anne 8 April 2015 at 15:07 - Reply

    I feel very blessed in the life I have. In time, money and health, I have the benefit of all three, and so much more. And yet, often when I first wake up, I wonder if the choices I’m making are “good enough”. It is one of the voices I seek to quieten with the meditation I do.
    May we all find peace, love and joy…

    • Peter 10 April 2015 at 17:23 - Reply

      I know about the voices you speak of, Anne. My teachers remind me that they are just that, mere voices. they’re not the truth, simply opinions. your Truth lies much deeper … well beyond the monkey mind’s clever acrobatics, but within reach of a quiet mind.

  2. Daishin 10 April 2015 at 17:10 - Reply

    the examples given of ‘small doubts’ all have to do with the ego, the ‘small self.’ … will i be liked, will i be successful, what will happen to me when i get old, etc. As such they are endless and may never be resolved. I find that meditation helps to expand my awareness beyond such worries to what’s called my true nature. To my repeated amazement, it resides just below the surface of my preoccupation with small doubts. Like the ocean suface with its waves and floating debris … dive below and find silence and clarity.

    Zen teacher Shunryo Suzuki: “What we call ‘I’ is just a swinging door which moves when we inhale and when we exhale.”

  3. Fran 10 April 2015 at 17:37 - Reply

    I sometimes succumb to doubt – doubt of myself and my abilities, questioning decisions I made for cancer treatments, worrying about the paths I’m choosing for senior years, doubting my role in relationships, and then the biggie – how will I face death? Doubt is another type of fear, needing much compassion. When I feel overwhelmed I try to apply the antidote, which to me is trust. Trust in myself (doing alright so far ;-), trust in past decisions (useless to second guess now), trust the future (that I can deal with aging day by day), trust those I love, trust that I will face death with as much equanimity as I can muster, as have friends who have gone before.

    There’s another type of doubt – questioning something presented as fact; determining what is right and relevant to my own life. The Buddha advised, “Find out for yourself what is truth, what is real.” Maintaining a healthy scepticism helps me remain open and aware – at least sometimes – of what’s going on around me.

  4. C.K. 10 April 2015 at 22:03 - Reply

    Fran, thank you for adding the word “fear” to the mix. I often get stuck (stunned, in fear, caught in the headlights) when doubts arise. The German word for doubt offers a clue: “to zweifel,” from zwei for “two.” It points to the either-or conundrum so often at the root of doubting: should I do this or that, follow this path or another; he likes me, he likes me not; I’m young, I’m old; etc.

    I find that it takes ongoing effort not to fall into the trap of duality. Best antidote I’ve found is to (1) welcome the dilemma, (2) acknowledge doubts as tentative options, and (3) follow any of a number of meditation tools to truly open the mind.

    As the ancient say, “Everything you need is right before you.”

Leave A Comment