An antidote to anguish

anxietiesI’m prone to worry. In fact, worrying is what I do most of the time, a life-long hobby from hell. Angst, anxiety, anguish. The American Psychological Association defines anxiety disorders as “having recurring intrusive thoughts or concerns,” causing a person to “avoid certain situations out of worry.” No kidding. I fear to answer the telephone, delay opening letter and emails, avoid invitations to social events, and generally prefer my own company. And it’s getting worse with age. There go my so-called golden days: is it too late to take up golfing?

Meditation teachers (myself included, blush!) invite us to “Welcome everything.” Rumi explains, “Even if they are a crowd of sorrows / who violently sweep your house / empty of its furniture / still, treat each guest honorably.” Instead of pushing worries away, acknowledge their presence. Even if you dislike them, wish they’d go away, wonder why they keep coming back … greet them, say “hello.” You’re not liking, condoning, or approving, merely acknowledging that which is.

Take this morning. I woke up and within seconds the mind went to the past, recalling nasty events that occurred decades ago. Replaying them brought back not just thoughts, but physical and emotional reactions as well. It all felt real, as if occurring in that very moment. How powerful the mind! By reactivating thoughts and feelings associated with ancient events, my body reacted in real time: throat and chest tightened, muscles weakening, helplessness all over.

And then I remembered the most basic meditation instructions: Direct your awareness to your breath: feel its coming and going. If that’s too much right now, notice just part of the breath cycle — the beginning of the in-breath, perhaps, noting the flow of air at your upper lip and nostril. Or the out-breath, noting the air brushing your lips as it exits. Persist when attention wanders. And when it does, no problem, no need to berate yourself! Again and again, notice the breath, silently say “breathing in” or “breathing out” to help anchor your awareness. Notice the expanding and contracting of your chest. Feel the breath deeply in your body, right now. One breath at a time! What else is there?

After a little while, check your overall state. Old memories still active? No problem, they’ve been around for a long time and won’t pack up and go without a struggle. But … did you notice that while your attention was on your breath, in the “here and now,” troubling thoughts receded?

Will that be the end of worrying, of being haunted by traumatic memories? Will I be cured of this anxiety disorder? Who knows. Meditation is no miracle cure, no “Stand up, pick up your mat, and walk!” as in John 5:8. But there’s this glimpse of liberation from suffering.

2018-09-17T18:06:10-07:00April 27th, 2015|2 Comments

2 Comments

  1. colleen 28 April 2015 at 17:00 - Reply

    Thank you for this Peter. There are a few people I will share this with as well.

  2. Dai-shin 11 May 2015 at 04:25 - Reply

    Thank you, Colleen. A pebble tossed in a pond …

    The Buddha taught the law of cause and effect. “If you throw a stone into a pond, the ripples spread out to the shore, but that is not all, for the ripples return inward until they touch the stone again. The effects of our actions come back to us, and as long as our actions are done with evil intent, the waves of effect will come back to us as evil. But if we are kind and keep ourselves peaceful, the returning waves of trouble will grow weaker until they die down and our good karma will come back to us in blessing.”

    * Excerpted from an old edition of The Atlantic with a minor change in spelling the word “karma.” http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/1958/02/the-meaning-of-buddhism/306832/.

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